MITM #204

Life is hard, then you develop a hemorrhoid. Sound familiar? Your damn right it sounds familiar. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You see you and only you have the ability, hell the power, to overcome Big Pharma and finally stick it up their ass for a change. How you ask? It’s simple:

#1. Stop “Believing” Everything They Tell You and Start Becoming What You Know To be True! Get it?!

#2. Do Your Own Research and Stop Treating Your Asshole Like a Fool! Got it?!

#3. Use Silver and Finally SEE and FEEL Results for a Change! Good!

Listen, we get it, your a busy guy. You got a lot on your plate. But stop for a minute and think about what really matters in your life. It’s hard not to put the health and well being of your ass in the top first or second rung. So STOP playing their game and START freeing yourself from a lifetime of pain.

Look, we live in a free country, its about time your asshole gets a taste of that freedom too.

Ya dig?

MITM #203

You’re living your life as a fine member of your local community. You volunteer at the local garden, you sway along the local community parkways enjoying the breeze, waving at your local crossing guards and bus drivers as you pass them on your blissful morning stroll. You shop local, you eat local, you ARE local. Then it happens… BANG! Something suddenly not so local begins to grow out of your ass. Panic ensures and suddenly YOUR not so local anymore. You hide away. Scared, alone, emotionally and physically injured; naturally you turn inwards. But it doesn’t have to be this way for there is a solution. A topical solution.

MITM #202

On this week’s very special edition of ‘Rhoid Rage, the Mavens break down for you the 5 Stages of Hemorrhoids and how to actively recognize where you are at in your journey.

1. Discovery

2. Fright

3. Denial

4. Pain

5. Acceptance and Treatment

MITM #201

It’s ‘Roid Rage with local ‘Roid Mavens Dan and Jack. Listen in every week as they council you through handling your newly discovered ‘roid, or coach you as you continue to live with a long term inflamed and irritated protrusion. Giving insider tips, tried and true home remedies, along with an emphatic ear and first hand experience, The ‘Roid Mavens are here to help guide you towards leading a more fruitful and pain free life.

MITM #200

Well we finally did it. 200 episodes in the can. Wow. Despite every obstacle, every nay-sayer, every dark night of the soul, we can finally hang our hat on this accomplishment. We can finally look at our nude bodies in the mirror and be proud for once. We can finally walk into our workplace without being made fun or called “stinky” by the boss and his buddies. With these 200 episodes we have established a legacy, a canon if you may, a permanent record of our silly speech and in depth cutting edge sports analysis which will no doubt be studied for years to come in non accredited online universities. What will the future hold for us “Mere Mortals of the Microphone”, us “Minions of Thy Midi”, us “Gurus of Garageband”, us “Squires of Squarespace”… who knows… Maybe we’ll do an entire show underwater! Now that would be fun :) Stay tuned, stay safe, stay moist. Prost.

MITM #199

When the weather warms and our bodies begin to acclimate to the heat and humidity, a force inside or bodies propels us to move forward. Outdoors we venture into strangers garages and front yards, taken by a primal need built up within our inner loins for months. Not driven by thirst or hungry, nor god or deity, or will or wonder, nay, for it is shit we desire and shit we so shall receive. Piles of shit, useless shit, shit from neighbors homes who don’t need the shit anymore so they sell the shit to us. Nice shit. Good shit at a good price. Shit that makes us feel happy, feel human, feel full, full of shit. So go out, find some more shit to add to your pile, but get their early because if you wait too long all the nice shit will be gone and you’ll be shit out of luck.

MITM #198

If your from Chicago then theres no doubt you have your fair share of John Cusack stories. From catching him at a ball game as he sweet talks his current costar in the owners box, to watching him rollerblade carefree down the lakeshore shirtless, John has been a fixture of Chicago lore for decades. His larger than life presence coupled with is innate ability to make a lasting impression on residents and visitors alike, is why he continues to hold a special place in the canon of what it truly means to be a celebrity living in the big city.

MITM #197

Whats APP everybody! Crack your knuckles, moisturize your palms and dip your eyes balls in some warm liquid because it’s time to talk apps! Yep its time to start App’n Around! Join us as we hear from our very own tech guru TDC as he reviews some of the hottest apps for 2021 including: Go “Q” Sleep, Blink, and Beta Moon. It’s App’n Around! Get it? App = Applications ie applications you download onto your device, and Around meaning “in existence or current use”. App’n Around.

MITM #196

Look it was a big horse-around, period! Seriously you guys! We were horsing-around with it all… That’s it! No need to look into it much more than that. Consider this equation: Mike + Charley = Horsing Around! We love no thing more than taking y’all on a grand horse-around round-about featuring lots of horsing and ‘rounding to capture a pure and unfiltered genuine horse-around with two fellas who wrote the both on it. It’s called: Horsing Around with Mike and Charley and its currently on sale for $19.95.

MITM #195

Exploring your auditory systems through an intense meandering proliferation of noise and vibrations. Navigating your canals with uneasy familiarity and distant precision as we ride the wave and bang your drum. The norm does not exist within the walls of sound. The norm does not exist within the ether of bounce back. Hang up your rectangle’d hand cuffs and help us destroy the expectation of pre-packaged edible brainwash. Sense is all you have and its withering away to dust as we willingly bare witness to the unglamorous hand over. Don’t sneeze or your miss the show.

MITM #194

Read the pictures.

Follow the unknown.

Add up the piles of insurmountable TRUTHs.

What’s the [What]?

Where’s the [Where] [truly] located?

Follow the lead[er][s].

Look at my big ASS.

NOW.

You like what you see [feel]?

My ASS is large right?

Some would say gigantic.

HUGE really.

M

MITM #193

rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy

rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy

rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy

rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy

rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy rudy

Today is the day that you got to see rudy 101 times.

Must be nice.

MITM #192

SPRINGTIME #192:

Consider thee the last known lover of mother nature

The one true believer in the the majesty that lies within the bosom of your dirt.

A real life human tree who longs to grow branches and poke your sky.

Alas! It is I, the animal who rolls within the reeds that grow along the side of the banks of your flowing waters.

He who bathes in your sand as you watch me from above.

I am nude.

I am new.

I have sprung.

MITM #191

Imagine a place, a dark place, a place you don’t really want to be, yet you were guilted/brought/invited to against your will. A small place, a place that is hard to find yet was under your nose. A place where you are welcomed with enthusiasm and glee, but also for a small fee. A loud place, cramped at times, but not tonight, not for this. A place where you feel compelled to clap, and forced to laugh; to the point your face muscles hurt with each unnatural contortion of your cheeks. A place where time moves backward, premises are lost in the ether, and dreams are simultaneously fulfilled and broken with the sound of the word: “Scene!” Welcome to the world of amateur independent and poorly performed improv comedy. Enjoy the show, because despite your inner plea and the fact that you are jumping out of your skin at how awful the experience is, the show will no doubt still be lasting the entire hour its scheduled for.

MITM #190

Has it really been 190 episodes? Boy how time has flown by. So many episodes chock full of memorable characters, segments, banter, and of course sports analysis. So many episodes carefully crafted, toiled upon, chiseled, and meticulously shaped from a single piece of raw marble to form a work of exquisite beauty. So many episodes, that for going on 6 years has provided countless laughs, beautiful moments of heartwarming realizations, and of course buckets of tears, both from bliss and those of angst and various ailments. So many episodes….so…so many episodes… If only someone would listen…

(the brisk breeze hitting my face as I gaze upon the sky, I close my eyes and whisper…)

Goodbye.

MITM #189

It’s funny to consider that it was only a year ago that I was in financial ruin. No job, late on all of my bills, heck every day it seemed as if I was hiding from the repo man, or on the phone begging for an extension on some long forgotten high end clothing store credit card that I had no doubt maxed out years ago when I weighed far less and enjoyed life far more. It didn’t take long until I was pretending my sweet and swanky store credit card never even existed, throwing away any bills or urgent notices coming in from the mail, and blocking all calls coming in from out of state area codes. Truly it was clear that I had begun a vicious cycle of waddling through life in some sort of manufactured alternate reality where my finances were in “order “ and my waist line wasn’t “topping the high 40s”. But, that all changed when the opportunity of a lifetime came knocking at my door when I was at my lowest and no doubt my heaviest. I had to dig down deep but ultimately found the courage to answer, the question is….do you? KNOCK…. KNOCK…. KNOCK…

MITM #188

Your better off just skipping this one.

MITM #187

Well here we are again. The big game. Wow. Lots of big fun to be had and even bigger amounts of money to be won (fingers crossed). But what else do we celebrate today I ask? The players? Sure. The game? Of course. The ownership? Yes. The Fans? Without a doubt. But what about me? Hmm? What about ME?! For aren’t I the one who has penned this message of good tidings that you are reading at this exact moment. It’s true. Yet, why is it that I am not celebrated and rejoiced upon? Do I not deserve your praise? Do I not deserve your kind words? Shame. SHAME I say! Shame on you all! Now if you would excuse me I have to go attend mass. For it is SUNDAY after all. #Blessings.

MITM #186

This week on All Cubes Considered, Nathaniel Turtle sits down with cube newcomer Touch Down Charley to discuss his brand new cube invention the state of the art Super Cube Super Bowl Squares. By harnessing the power of a bunch of squares times three times themselves, TDC hopes the technology behind the Super Cube Super Bowl Squares will not only revolutionize sports betting but also humanity as a whole. Won’t you join us?

MITM #185

Monsters in the Morning (MITM) is a sports talk podcast broadcast out of Chicago. We really do love talking sports and giving you our unique and qualified perspective on all things sports via analysis on the many different sports played and those who enjoy watching said sports i.e sports fans. By simply looking at spreadsheets, talking about the numbers, thinking about the numbers, dreaming about numbers, and using verbal communication through the use of speech patterns forming such words like: “sports”, “data”, “numbers”, “game”, “balls”, etc…We feel confident and jazzed about providing you what we know you crave: “sports talk”.