Turkey on the Table… in its entirety.
I get it, your scared. That’s fine. It’s OK to be afraid. Heck, I’m scared 98% of the time I’m up and moving about. Fear surrounds us. You just never know when your gonna choke to death on that piece of cantaloupe, or when an airplane will suddenly fall out of the sky directly on top of you, or if and when the local coyote will rip you apart head to toe with reckless unbridled abandon. But we must move forward, we have to continue to eat rich buttery foods, yell with all CAPS when correcting a wrong, and above all else purchase various items online. Faith, not fear.
Maniac Mike “The Madman” and Touchdown Charley “the Sicko” are so very proud to present The Monsters in the Morning Annual Haunted Halloween Ghoul-Tastic Hayride featuring Ghosts, Goblins, Ghouls, Spiders, and Goblins, Mummies, Spooky looking Trees, Rats, and Corn, all taking place the Hay, and all for fun. Enjoy the show… if you dare?
As the old saying goes: “Football season comes in like a lion, and out like a lion too.” Wiser words are hard to come by, especially nowadays, what with the economy and pollution and what have you. But don’t ever forget, even when the world seems bleak, scary, and very very wet, Mike and Charley are here for you, to hold on to you. Ever so tight, enveloped and entangled in our various limbs and skin, as we weep together… as one, one body, one soul. Amen?
The Monsters in the Morning are back to bay-sacs this week ladies and good sirs! Thats right! The #1 most popular, trusted, and longest running comedy sports podcast featuring Manic Mike and Touchdown Charley is back and spraying uncontrollable amounts of sports content all over your drapery and fine furnishings. Content so thick, so organic, and so rich your upholstery won’t even know what hit ‘em.
Tensions finally boil over as the self proclaimed “Turkey-Czar” Maniac Mike confronts Touchdown Charley at the grand opening of the Mayflower for his attempted sabotage. However, manny, manny, unanswered questions still continue swirling about such as:
“What ever happened to that “Turkey Cold” anyway, I mean wasn’t that kinda what the whole saga was supposed to be about…? ”
“If big ‘Ol fat boy Mike was poisoned with tainted gravy, how in the world is he still alive and interacting with customers in such a jovial manner?”
“What about all those thousands and thousands and thousands of sick turkeys, huh? Where’s the turkeys turkey!?”
“Why didn’t the investors fight back on the majority sale of all the Mayflower shares, seems like a rookie mistake for such well to do and seasoned businessmen…?”
“What did Stark have to gain with selling his shares to Mike, are we really to believe he wanted nothing more than a couple of barrels…?
“Why has this saga lasted so many god damn episodes? 9 episodes? Kinda excessive wouldn’t you say…?”
“Who was Charley in cahoots with to take down the company, again another plot hole which really should be resolved… right?
“When will the new album by Trip-Da-Phan be dropping?”
For these answers and so manny, manny, more tune in to the final episode of the Turkey on the Table and finally put you mind, body and soul at ease.
After years of pain, planning, sacrifice, sickness, sadness, tears, money, sex, turkey, potatoes, fried turkey, boiled turkey, classic roasted turkey, not to mention gallons upon gallons of uncut pure thick and salty gravy, the day has finally come for the grand opening of the worlds first all turkey restaurant: The Mayflower. However, it comes bittersweet as TDC’s master plan to poison Mike to exacerbate the so called “Turkey Cold” in order to sabotage the Mayflower has left Mike alone at the helm, sole captain of a ship as it sails to a new world, a new world of turkey on the table, all day, everyday.
Think big, then double it. Let that sink in… Good? Ya see, to think big; bigger even than what was once thought of as “big”, then you gotta BE big. That’s right, to think big, ya gotta BE BIG! Its a big deal, I know, some may say huge deal, but being big, thinking big, hell staying big, is just that: BIG. So are you up for the challenge big boy? Are willing to be B-I-G BIG? Can you handle the pressure of being that big, bigger than most and larger than many… Big? Well if you answered yes, then your one step away from what just may be the biggest leap you can make in a life toward reaching optimal bigness. God Speed Biggy, God Speed…
While the Turkey Cold continues to dominate the publics attention, Mike instead concerns himself with gaining full control of the Mayflower by holding 51% of its shares. Nested in an empty water park in Wisconsin Dells, Mike abruptly cancels the investors gala and instead holes up with TDC in a penthouse overlooking Lake Delvin. Spending his days tasting copious amounts of gravy and turkey fixings, while gaining an unhealthy amount of weight, Mike begins to show signs of a turkey induced mental and physical lapse.
The 24/7 turkey restaurant, now christened The Mayflower, continues to encounter issues regarding a exclusive poultry deal from Czechoslovakia. In particular, it has come to the public’s attention that all turkeys acquired from the deal have contracted a mysterious “Turkey Cold”. In an effort to calm the nerves of both the investors and greater poultry loving fan base on the planned grand opening, Maniac Mike sits down with Tarragon News Association (TNA) lead investigative turkey reporter Xander Goose to explain his rational on the matter.
What started out as simply two buddies getting together to play good old fashioned rock and roll, the band called Tryptophan has steadily moved from a regional powerhouse to an all out national mega phenomenon. Richard and Boot sit down to tell their story of how they met, what drives their turkey-fueled rock, and why they choose the name Tryptophan so many years ago.
With the Czech Turkey Cold becoming a reality, Mike is plagued with the task of reassuring his investors that the Mayflower 24/7 Turkey restaurant will still be able to open on time and with plenty of birds to feed the demand. However, growing concern over the disease and a newly issued embargo on the importing of all Czech turkeys continues to cause panic within the greater poultry marketplace. Trying to prove his point that the Turkey Cold should not be of a concern. Mike resorts to the unthinkable…
Maniac Mike, the self proclaimed turkey czar, increases his turkey hold upon the greater turkey market with his brash turkey fueled speech and unrelenting turkey swagger, all the while downplaying the increasing threat of a turkey cold currently plaguing his turkey stockpile. Turkey.
In the cruel and grandiose world of Big Poultry a new king reigns supreme. After securing major deals with such conglomerates including Stuffing INC and the Grater Cranberry Corp, Mike and TDC finally solidify a exclusive Turkey partnership, both securing their stranglehold on the market and silencing their investors and thus making good on their promise of once agin putting: Turkey On The Table.
When I was a young girl growing up in Michigan I always dreamt of one day being a flower. I’m not fooling. I would yearn for the day of one day morphing into a big beautiful sun flower. Filled with hundreds of thousands of seeds, swaying to and fro in the wind, the sun on my petals and my roots firmly gripped in the cool welcoming soil. I would walk among the flowers, smelling them, touching them, feeling them… it was as if being with them helped me become them. I needed help then, and I still need help now.
Touchdown Charley stops by to chat about his forthcoming book the science-fiction erotic thriller The Iyes of Okanikas. Charley discusses with Bob what inspires his writing, how he approaches each book as a journey toward deeper enlightenment, and how he is able to contextualize and emphasize with humanity via his prose. In such a strange and uncertain world the comfort and honesty from such a voice warms the soul like a well tailored blanket.
Join brutters Bill and Brim Stark as dey anzer all your ‘ome emprovement guestions and guandaries. Such tapics include: Hawe to successfully melt dawn your paperclips to creet an adequate adhesive, hawe to securely fasten dawn a wheather mane using da “Tool of da Week”: dey bungee cord, combating odors due to ratting animal carcasses, and da best way to build yourself a beautiful ‘omemade TV stand using old wood. Tule Tame.
Provided with so much time on ones hands in recent weeks, the ability to sit and ponder certain subjects is at an all time high. Join the “Monsters” as they discuss such things as puzzles, pools, and the fasanating and unespected history of the railroads. With so many options for entertainment, we are happy you have chosen us to listen to, we appreciate the many letters and gift baskets, and look forward to many more years of giving you the fun audio programs you so desire and deserve. God bless you, and God bless the Chicago Bears.
Zoom meetings are hard. Technology is hard. The world wide web is hard. Sitting at home all day is hard. Looking at yourself in the mirror and documenting how much weight you have gained is hard. Washing your hands more than once a day is hard. Wearing a mask when it’s not October is hard. Using your bath mat as substitute toilet tissue is hard. Eating 5-6 full meals a day even when you’re not hungry is hard. Shaving your larger than normal face is hard. Missing family and friends is hard. Wiping down all mail and packages with a random wet rag is hard. Eating 5 course dinners with elaborate ingredients is hard. Consuming exotic breads is hard. Sitting for long stretches of time while searching various online streaming services is hard. Bathing is hard. Answering questions from those inhabiting the same household is hard. Drinking every night is hard. But we do these things not for ourselves, we do these things as a collective, as one, for the greater good. Stay healthy, stay happy. Go Bears.
Sitting here alone on my porch as the dawn breaks and the eager breeze moves over the contours of my skin untangling every hair perking up to greet the sun, enveloping all the nooks and crannies of the hardest to reach untouched crypts and chasms which lie deep within my wonderland, with its sweet and brisk breath, I welcome the air as it bathes my body and cleansizes my soul. Won’t you join me?
